Confessions of a Reverend
I Can’t please you or everyone.
I can be hard, rude, angered just like you. At times I want to pick a fight, and challenge the imperfectness of every fiber of my being. I hate me, for who I can’t become at times. It’s a painful struggle within thy self, to keep over coming struggles, judgments of thy self. From others it is usually easier to let go of such judgments I hold.
Ho’oponopono Prayer usually works but I clearly don’t use it enough on thy self for self-care. There are days I don’t want to pray-I feel I’m a higher being who knows that I am unlimited in my Divine perfection. Then a weakness or struggle hits and I am reminded I was living in ego or the basement of my mind. I do gather thy self and pray. Some day’s it is easier than others in lifting thy mind and thoughts. It is usually easier to prayer for someone else using the infinite through me than to pray for thy self.
I want so much for thy self that it all at times feels unachievable. Excuses, of physical limitation of nerve pain exhaust thy internal fibers that house my compassion, love and vitality. At times I feel perfectly Sian in a giving moments of time passing over me, like a wave of your hand I don’t recognize what I have written and deny I ever said it. Although, how can I deny something that I once wrote? I cannot deny thy own writing. This is a perfect record to track thy consciousness or lack of consciousness. Lack of consistent sleep, here are all the excuses surfacing-BEING HUMAN-takes a toll on the physical, emotional and a desire of just being of Spirit longs for me to be free of all this.
I had about fifteen emotions in that paragraph all fighting to get out. I don’t think much of that paragraph makes much sense unless; you too struggle with being a Spiritual Leader and being a Human/Person at the same time.
This is forbidden talk-speaking about the ups and downs of consciousness as a Spiritual Leader. I suppressed this calling for such a long time…about 23 years. Life took it’s self on a ride some of joy and a lot of it being tough/hard/near death experiences and so on. Still Divine intervention always took place revisiting me in nearly every career I have ever held. Who knew that Divine intervention would cause a series of chain of events that would say It would not wait for me to be ready any longer?
Do you think or possibly could conceive that thy Divine force projected the math to create an event in thy life to occur? Do you think this Force from Spirit said, you will no longer wait to be thy Divine’s teacher for others? Could I will INVOKE a change, in being the “Gift of me”, a change that no one else is doing? Possible the reason I was in two freak accidents in one year was collateral damage through the Law of Attraction?
I say yes, to all the above. I do believe that Spirit caused these events to happen through thy “CHOICES”. Through the “CHOICES” I made in each given moment created a change of events to either fall in my favor or against me. As, I did or not stick to my true soul mission. These events could have been renegotiated for other situations.
However, we cannot afford to live in our “past life” of yesterday. We can choose to step forward in actions to assist in raising our veil into Higher Knowingness.
I know I’m not for everyone, yet when you’re in a position of “Holiness” viewed by the public you are held at greater expectations. Everyone just figures you know how to do all things, handle all emotions, be Godly, act as Jesus would…giving you no room for errors. I learn through experiences, I grow, I retract and I grow some more. Life is a process and there is no one with whatever their rank they hold in life is ever the same or invincible in being that title. The title isn’t human-only a definition.
05212014 Copy Right, Yavuz Katie, Rev.