Insights to my poems (near death)

Most of these poems are about loves in my life.  From before college and after…Dreams to love or Let go starts out sounding like, if I loose you-I can’t go on…In reality in my mind I was thinking of myself and not my love in my life.

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All is lost in my life without you; I have given all I can & I can no longer stay quiet and conformed; To what was once a final destination; We never got there together”-means to commit suicide.  I have been down this dark path in years past after the lose of two miscarriages and a marriage that was suffering.

 

However, through working through my pain, losses-I began to live again.  I lived for me this time and what I would miss from my current living children.  I wasn’t done yet.  When I was presented with that choice.

There is a point in the darkest hemispheres in your mind that all joys and things that feel important do not fulfill you, even your children, spouse, friends, parents, life that was suppose to flourish-never happens and you are left with bitterness of life (shit of a life? so to speak)…

All your achievements haven’t been recognized, condemnation by society and those who are suppose to love you, really don’t show you and you are left feeling as if they have only use you…these dark heavy doubts cloud your reality, all those who want to keep you from your destiny withhold your goals and good deeds.

It took nearly over a year to deplete my system to a point where in fact I was killing myself, from this darkness.  Unintentionally, of course but I felt like I was dieing and then the manifestation process was working through me.  Having no thyroid and not taking proper control of these medications, thinking I could live without them…Wow-was I wrong!

Relationships and love I totally have never thought as being an individual in them…I felt completely immersed with no separation and therefore have driven many relationships away from over stepping proper individualism boundaries.

Through knowing how the Christ like mind works I now have better control over how I think.  I’ve dealt with child suicide thoughts and have taken the road of hospitalization to assist in that recovery…Bullies from school.  I have openly admitted my thoughts to finalize my destination with my spouse, parents and teachers, doctor’s… and with no reprimand.

Darkness still clouds my thoughts, it’s constantly working through them and letting go of Other people’s judgements of me that seems the most difficult for me to deal with and handle (at times).  I am getting better at remembering who I serve and who really judges me “God is the one who judges me and has the final say”.

To many I seem normal-Other’s peoples thoughts “I don’t know”…Condemnation from peers has been my biggest hang-up.  Oh, and I haven’t been hospitalized, but that’s NOYB who was.

Getting back to living, I recently took a class on “safeTALK” and thankfully got a Certification…they said your a natural at this..as I have walked both sides of this path.  I have come out of this inspired to be alive, stay alive, and help anyone who struggles with darkness.

We are all given that choice in the last moments of “Do you want to stay or go?”…The last time I was completely by myself.  No, children (being watched by my parents)…hubby at work and I drove myself to the hospital-Hum, I have driven myself to the hospital twice when both times I was near death…funny how some things work out the same for two completely different reasons..one asthma attack and the other thyroid.

Still in the stillness of your mind when you are given flash backs, before your final breath…a voice inside either sounds like you or God asks you what have you decided?  Naturally, you respond with I want to stay and give your reasons why or go into unknown.  Certainty in life, you know actually what you need to do to keep living, and knowing if you go you don’t get to come back-unless you know the staff is right there and you are drawn back.

So, you guess it..I decided to stay, live another day and choose rather or not I am in condemnation or living for the greater good within myself and outward…

These life experiences are here for you to know you are not alone.  I have lived a diverse life, unique choices have been made.  Different, special, ugly, beautiful, you make the decision from within and how you help the world is on you.

For me I am here to help today, and again tomorrow, all you need to do is reach out and request an appointment.  I have written a workbook that inspired me through my own experience and can be used at any level in your life.

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A prayer for Heart Trouble

A prayer for your beloved’s one’s heart.

In this moment I Recognize that the One Source Lives in all things great and small.  It is fearless, always bound by doing exactly as it is told with conviction.  It is always creating and manifesting what it creates.  I am uplifted in the knowingness that this infinite Source is of renewal as IT is always expanding with Abundance and a perfection of Health.

Please accept these words as if they were your own…  I am now in perfect alignment with my Source.  I am completely Unified with the blessings from within that are able to be expressed in my out worldly experiences each day.  I am at peace with this indwelling gratitude of my Divine Creator that lives and speaks through me in every moment in my life.

I now accept this internal Realization that I am in this moment LOVE, Peace, Joy, Abundance through the co-creation of the Universe expressed through me & It multiplies all my strengths.  It produces Good words & thoughts through my everyday actions.  I express my feelings with love and understanding for my wife, my children and with my husband as a family unit that is unbreakable with all of life’s tides, I will not be cast a side as I know the Love I give I receive.  I also, know the abundance of my eternal being is good, I do good for myself and for others.  I open my heart to the possibilities of unfoldment of my perfect path that of which I am being called to do.  This comes with ease, understanding and an unwavering fact of good prosperity for me and my family.  I am have unshakable faith in knowing my good will prevail in all things I do.  The light of love shines through every inch, crack, and corner in my mind and heart that in turn allows me to grow and be the person I am meant to be to walk this living plain.

I am so humble and grateful for the Thanksgivings in my life.  I know only good will come to pass as I bring forth my goodwill and internal self- love to shine through all doubt or fear that I have.  I know I have a purpose to fulfill in this live and I now embrace this goodness from within my heart to express through my everyday experiences as a light of love.  I am so, very thankful of my creator for giving me an opportunity each day to reclaim my good and express love.

I now Release this prayer & words into the Universal Law, as I know it knows the deepest prayers that I hold within deeper than anyone in my family and possible of any of my own self-knowingness.  I know the Law of Attraction does exactly what it is told to do without any preconceived ideas.  I also know the Law is the servant and as it carries my prayer out like a messenger of angels I know that it is always done in right action.  No, harm will be done to any individual only love, peace, reassurance and the perfection of Divine’s truth will shine through.  It is So ~ Amen.    By: ~Rev. Katie Yavuz

 

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Empower your Soul!

I am humble today knowing I have moved out of my comfort zone.  I have decided this year 2014 is MY YEAR, to do something about my life.  I must be bold, I must be brave.  My determination shall prevail.

Today, I visited a local Toastmasters group. It was much like getting up in front of a congregation.  Looking into each souls eyes I felt different today than any other time speaking.  Today, I was in control of me!

What a breath taking experience to really commit to changing how I want me life! Really exciting, to know from the depth of my soul what it longs & then to step out in that faith and prove to yourself, “Yes, you can do it.”  Just as the “little engine that could”, I too can do something with my life.

As you begin to get older..you never feel older inside.  Their is a sense of I still have a chance to do something great before I get old. lol I’m in my mid-30’s raising a teenager and seeing his struggles I can relate to how I felt then almost as if it was only a year or two ago.

Of course times have changed, fashion, music and langue to peers have had there own evolution(s).

Yet a closeness and connection between my children, with determination…what can I still prove to them that I have buried deep within?  What has all the control of criticism taught me?  How can I bring positive right action into every new situation?

It all comes from within…Within that stillness, that Divine guidance asking for you to listen what it wants you to do.  Most likely the hardest part in life is to stop fighting your own struggles.  Stop fight yourself.  Stop allowing the harshness of other people’s words determine how great you really are.

How great are you?  What will it take for you to realize that you are great?! You Are Great! Yes, today & everyday you choose for yourself, make decisions that are either for your Divine good or for someone else’s Divine good.  It is a dance.  There can be compromise.  There is also a time for you to bow out of a situation that is killing your soul.

The choice is yours.  Desire for life to end-everyone has those thoughts.  Just not everyone will ever admit that they have.  It’s these soul killing situations, that you must dig deep.  Find a passion larger than you.  Discover how you can help others and take the next step.

I am living proof that this works.  If you need a mentor, a friend~Please reach out to me or someone who is traveling the road you desire to go down.  Pledge a promise today, to take a baby step and keep moving forward.  Love to live and fulfill your passion!